Valentines

Today, not unlike most days, I sobbed over my coffee.  I'm so tired.  The little girl in me that wanted to be a mother had no idea that she would feel like a failure more days than not.  I thought I would be the world's greatest mom.  The one that helped in class, made all the treats, nailed the valentines, birthday parties, basically won the trophy...every.day.  But that's not how it's going.  I feel like a failure. A. LOT.  I am struggling to raise 4 very 'strong willed' children to become actual adults someday and I am worried. 

I look back and remember my sweet sweet babies and I realize how fast time is going.  I want to enjoy all of these moments because I know in just a blink they will be gone.  But it is HARD.  It is hard to navigate each new day and new territory. 

I have LOADS of guilt for going back to work.  This is new territory for our family.  I have been working for a few years, but until October, I worked mostly from home.  Now being gone, the nights are shorter as the homework gets longer (and honestly they don't even have that much...yet).  We miss out on too many snuggles and too many bedtime stories.  I feel too rushed in each moment and it is hard to slow down. 

Each day I wake up and I send my valentines, MY HEARTS, out the door to school and I am not sure we are all prepared for what comes next.  Raising children in this world is a scary thing.  We live in a small town, but I still live in fear for their safety. 

All I can do, All any of us can do is Trust in Him.  Trust that God has a plan for us.  Trust that he will protect our children in His way.  So Please Jesus, watch over my valentines...today and everyday.  Please help Bobby and me to take care of them and raise them to seek you first.  Please help us to remember that they belong to you.  And please help us to remember each small success and victory, because these days can seem so hard and bog us down and sometimes we forget to see all of the unconditional love, honesty, and sweetness in the little things.